First, can I say that these French really know how to party? Holy moley. They called us to go out at midnight; we closed down the bar and went back to the ED's flat, which had way more ambiance than the bar, and where we sat around and talked about, oh you know, the nature of desire.
From what they tell me, in France it is no big deal for someone to have lovers of either sex. That a person can experience whomever she wishes, for as long as he wants, without having to don the label of gay or lesbian, or even bi or queer. You're just with who you're with. This is understood as the nature of desire, and desire is easily understood and discussed as normal, with a very wide berth when it comes to "normativity."
But when it comes to sex, graphic descriptions of a sexual nature which many Americans are very comfortable speaking about a length--here the French clam right up. What you do in the bedroom is private.
Now, I don't mean to make it sound as if France is this free land where everyone can be quietly queer at no risk. Homosexuality (and they still call it "homosexuality," the people "homosexuals" which seems antiquated to my ears) has its costs. Queers cannot marry, but can have "pacts" - civil unions. Queers cannot adopt together, though a single parent may.
And on the street, I've met with way more overt...well, homophobia isn't exactly the word, because it seems clear that the dirty looks I receive (from one out of almost every three men I pass) are about my gender. Even though European men feel quite comfortable wearing both white and clamdigger cut pants (sometimes at the same time, shock, horror!), I'm the one who looks queer. I don't have enough designer stubble, I think.
So, I'm coming to the conclusion that desire is one thing, but queerness, when it is expressed in non-normative ways (like my gay-ass hatband, or my queer-as-fuck pink tie) is entirely another. Desire, is, after all, private. Gender expression happens to everyone.
** I should mention clearly here that these are just impressions, subject to change. I'm withholding judgment, even if it may sound like I'm being judgmental--I really don't feel that way. Also, the conversation I'm referencing happened between 2-4am, and they were drunk. So, you know, grains of salt all around.**
